Losing the love of your life is painful. Especially the gf or bf, that you've been going out with for a long time leave you. I'm always the girl that can't get anyone that I want. My first relationship was a mutual one; we both liked each other. But that's it. I'd gone out with him for 2.5 years and finally broke up with him. The reason was I couldn't stand him anymore. He used to blame me a lot. He never said sorry, but always found excuses and critisized me. I liked him so much maybe for an year or so, but after that, I was always crying.
One of the memories I can't forget is a new years day. We had a promise to go to a temple together near his house. It's common to go to such places on new years, so we decided to go there. However, when we met at my nearest station and were about to move there, he started saying he wouldn't go. The reason was, he didn't want to meet his friends with me. There supposed to be a lot of his junior highschool friends there, and he started blaming me like, why do you wanna go there, do you want me to show you off, something like that. I didn't understand why he started saying such a thing. I didn't even think of such a thing. So I started crying, and in the end, we didn't go anywhere.
Around that time, I noticed that I started liking another guy that asked me to go out before. My boyfriend's cruel behavior helped my feelings too. When I finally couldn't deny my feelings for the guy, I said good bye to my boyfriend. I knew that the guy didn't like me anymore, but felt that I couldn't go on like this, I had to tell him my feelings. Since I didn't wanna keep the insurance, I broke up with my bf firstly and told my feelings to the guy on the same day.
I have my theory about love. As my mind, if I want to tell someone that I like him, I want to tell it in person. In the evening, I called him and went to a park. It was a cold day as the end of May. We sat on a bench and I told him that I liked him. He told me that he had some theory about love, and asked me if I wanted to hear the answer or not. I was so scared to hear that, but after a while, I told him I wanted to hear and my heart broke at that time. When we were walking back to the station, I said, "please keep being my friend". It was funny since the words were as same as what he said when I rejected his love.
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