July 9, 2013

I'm Just A Girl

I'm in the ironic mood these days because something depressing happened and I'm going to throw it out here just to release my feelings.

It's just what seems to be for me, but...I'm not that pretty but I know some people like my looks. I have received a compliment about it sometimes, and if I had to say if it's good or bad, I would say, of course it's a positive thing. However, such compliments make me sad as well.

Sometimes, someone tells me I look pretty. And I say thank you.
And what?

There are some experiences I've been through about relationships and whatever, and basically the guy liked my looks but I don't know if they ever tried to know about me as a person or a girl. I don't know what they have on their mind...of course everyone is not the same but how can they do something like

Buying stupid adult toys as a souvenir and tells me its for "Us" (It totally turned me off).
Keep telling that he doesn't care and want to make out when I was saying I had period and didn't want to do such a thing.

Try to kiss or make out without confirming if I'm available for such things without having a relationship.
And after such kiss, they sound like they are not interested in knowing about me.

The former two are something about my ex and the latter are about my "Friend".

Personally, I don't want to kiss or do anything more unless I'm in a relationship. And when such a thing happen, I get sad or disappointed especially when I was under the impression he is nice and there is something I admire about him.

I say, something happened recently and I just realized that I get more sad and disappointed as the days go by.
For me, a kiss or whatever is something more than just a friend. But it seems like guys are different in general.
One of my male friend says I have to realize that they just want to kiss her if she is pretty.

And I think it is truth because it describes why my latest relationship didn't work.
He told me I look pretty, etc. But never tried to know about me and I personally feel it's not because of the distance.
If that was the case, he could treat me in much better way.

If they like just my looks, I don't want them to come by me.
There are a lot of girls who are far prettier than me.
I don't want a guy who cares about my looks more than who I am.
I'd rather make friends who are interested in me and can hangout and spend time together.

It's a sad story but I realized I got to know a lot of people in past 3, 4 years. but there are just a few people who were interested in my personality and actually got to know about me in some extent.

I don't deny it's nice to have many acquaintances. However, it's not what I want for now.