October 15, 2009

What is Well-balanced?


言霊(Kotodama): the spiritual power people generally in Japan believe that presences in words.


The other day, one of my friend said that I'm responsible for what I say much more than her. I don't deny it. Because I'm always serious about what I say. If I tell someone something, it's mostly what I'm sure or what I'm gonna do for sure. If not, like when I'm mentioning about uncertain thing like just about my wish or something, I make it clear that it's a unsure thing. Maybe that's because I hate that when someone says something irresponsible or halfhearted thing; maybe the person feels that it sounds good at that time but never does it because it's just an impromptu idea.

Since I'm thinking words are serious as long as I'm not joking around, I expect that everyone is same as me somewhere in my mind without noticing. When someone tells me that he/she is gonna do something, I believe it somewhere in my mind since if I say such a thing, I really do that. However, the situations usually don't go as I expected. I know I shouldn't require everyone the same thing as me, but when it happens, I feel I was betrayed and feel disappointed. It sucks. And if someone does it again and again, it just makes me mad or put less value on him/her.

As you know, Japan is a homogeneous country and we usually notice people's real intention behind words even if the words are vague or the opposite because we pay attention not just to words but reactions. So, as long as it's noticeable like that it's not the case. It's the case that seems to work but actually won't. I HATE IT! It's just cruel if I have expectations. I can't blame it since I know it's just my personal feelings, but want that person to be a little bit sweeter if he/her knows about my character.

It takes time for me to open my heart and trust a person. And the thing I mentioned can easily break the trust because being responsible/honest to own words is required for the person if I'm going to build a good relationship with someone.

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