August 18, 2010

What I Did Today And...Dump

I'm a girl who rarely goes to see movies at theaters. However somehow, I already went there 3 times this months. Today was my day off and as it was Wednesday, I went to a theater to see Inception, the movie which some friends told me great. Actually, today was a "ちょびリッチ (petit rich)" off day because of it. Wearing a little bit girlish clothes, leaving my hair down (it was hot actually, lol) and went to eat lunch after getting the ticket. Although the lunch was not rich because I went to hidakaya (lol), I read a halfway finished book after lunch and got an ice cream on the way back to the theater so those things made me feel a little bit rich. I even had a cup of coffee and studied a little bit after the movie :)

I think I've been spending a lot of money these a few months...mostly owing to those pretty clothes and stuffs that I'm going to wear once or twice in coming a few months. I'm also paying back my student loan and it's making me poorer I guess. I'm not sure what I will be in the near future. Err, not about myself but the environment that I belong to. It feels like that nothing will change in such a short time. I will be working without doing what I want to do...I mean, going somewhere far. The fact makes me feel depressed and makes my motivation down.

A friend of mine mentioned about my last post. He told me that it sounded extremely rude. Yes, it came from my negative feelings but I didn't know it sounded that rude. Too bad I lack for English sense. I thought about writing it in Japanese, but didn't. However, being told about it, I feel sorry because I'm not posting things here to make someone feel uncomfortable.

Yesterday, my friend who wants to spend time together on my birthday called me and we talked about what to do. I told her that I want to do BBQ or go to a festival. I also told her that my sister has an idea going to the friendship festival in Yokota air base. Finally, it seems like we are going to go to the festival wearing yukata (not sure yet but maybe). It's not a bad way to spend my 26th birthday I guess. I should be a little bit happier to have someone who wants to spend time with me on such a day.

I've been finding myself not truly moved by compliments given by some friends. Someone said I look pretty. Someone said I'm sweet. However, I know that I'm just a girl who is selfish and becomes happy or sad with worthless things. Especially when I'm down, it feels like they can say such things because they don't know about me. But I know that I'm the one who doesn't let them come inside the wall. And maybe it's a miserable thing.

I hope that the days like being in Cambodia of Vietnam will come soon somehow. If I look forward to it and actually go somewhere, I'm sure my negative feelings will be blown away even it's something temporal. I need to go somewhere with my backpack.


Sakurannie said...

But compliments are supposed to make u feel better. Isnt that wat there for?

ばれりー said...

Yeah, guess so :)

マケイブ said...

前のばれりー戻りなさい lol :)


ばれりー said...