August 26, 2010

Something In さがしもの

*A letter which was left in a book*

I tried to write something cool, but it seems that I can't.

Thank you. It's the first words that came up on my mind.
I'm really depressed that only such cheesy and fake words came up on my mind.

However, it's everything that I can say.
I really had fun spending time with you these two years. It even feels like if I made the word "happiness" to a phenomenon of reality one by one, maybe the days that we spent together would be built.

A lot of tough things happened in these two years. Mother died, and brother caused an accident. I had to go to a mental hospital for a while, and lost my job. However, I think that I really owe it to you that I've passed such days with smiling.

I've also been through a lot of sad things with you, but it can't be compared with the words "thank you". Thank you for letting me like you.

From now, we will finally go though the completely separated ways. However, I want to meet you somewhere in the future like just meeting by chance at a crossroads. If it happens, then, I hope that we can talk about the days that we spent without each other in adults' words.

There were two dogs next-door. We put our arms though the fence and patted the dogs' heads like as if we were competing. We saw the lights of Shinjuku night through the window. We cleaned house while arguing. We bought cheap atka mackerels at fish store. We burst an egg with microwave oven. We always got out of breath at halfway of the steps.

In our separated lives, surely you and me will remember again and again. Are they beautiful memories? Or might be something different? I hope that they are the former. See you. Bye bye. So long.



*What a girl thought when she just moved out from an apartment she's been living with her ex*

There is a really good scene on the 15th book. Reading it first, I threw the book away and went to blow my nose. I cried. He laughed at me, but as I thought, he went to blow his nose in hiding when he read it. We kept saying great again and again seriously.

I opened the page of the 15th book. Without seeing any words nor pictures, a tear dropped. And I suddenly noticed. I noticed it for the fist time that it's like this to be in love with someone and break up with the one. It's like sharing a bookshelf. It's like exchanging books, read them all over and memorize the same sights. It's like pulling the union apart however that is already jumbled together. It's not about losing the confidence nor recovering from it. It's like tearing something that is already a part of me and lose it forever.

I closed the comic book and sat down on the floor. I cried harder and louder that when I read the 15th book. It was the first time that I cried because of him.

The bookshelf lost book and it will never filled up with same books. It's same about his nice bookshelf. However, it must not be a sad thing. Maybe we will keep the memories that we shared and it's like remembering an impressing scene of the book; you can remember the details of the unwritten colours of the girl's clothes right away.

Let's cry until I get satisfied, so I thought in the messy room. Let's cry as much as I want just like a kid. It's ok to cry till the midnight because I've lost that much.

And let's go to buy a new bookshelf tomorrow. Before getting curtains nor a bed. I decided so beside crying.

4 comments:

マケイブ said...

。。。そのとおりだ!

Megumi said...

思い当たる節があるの…?(笑)

マケイブ said...

実は俺の亡くなる兄のこと思い出した。兄さんのことはいつもいつも探しているんが、思い出しか見つからなかった。もちろん日本に行く時も探したけど。まだ何も見つからなかった。気の毒にがっかり感じを出した。

でも、今はパパの運命に起こした。つらいけど、兄さんもういないんだから。俺の命を幸せに過ごし続けなきゃ。

Megumi said...

 そっかぁ…まぁ、皆それぞれ色々なことがあるよね。私もがんばらなきゃ。。