November 12, 2010

I'm Going to See Kobe Luminarie

It was a very quick decision. Once I heard about it, something in my heart started growing up. It expanded and expanded...and finally exploded! Man, I really want to go there! Of course I've known about this famous light up since before. However, I didn't think I would go to see it since it's far away and maybe I also didn't want to go if I'm alone. However, something has changed now.

"Maybe it's the time to go. If I miss this year, I don't know when I get a chance to go to see them."

While taking a look of the pictures on Internet, my heart kept beating fast. So, naturally I decided to go there somehow with the strong feeling. Since it's only temporary event for 12 days in December, I had to act quickly. The closing date of requesting off days for next month is almost there, and I had to negotiate to all the co-workers if I want to get consecutive days off because there are not so many people in my lab now. Fortunately, it seems that it's gonna work. Maybe I can go there! I feel I will fall in love with the lights if I see them and actually going there to make it happen, lol. I think I can just stay there and watch the lights for hours without getting bored. It will be a time for meditation...and also a kind of torture because I know that I can't be just happy with doing that. I'm sure the lights will remind me about something specific...I remember how much I wanted to see pretty lights last year. There are some great light-up place for Christmas around Tokyo and it was OK to any of them because I was sure I can be happy anywhere. It seemed that the dream came true. I walked under blue lights but didn't feel happy so much. Finally, the uneasy feeling I had in my mind became reality.

I think I may feel something similar what I felt while walking in the park alone weeping at night. It felt like the end of the world at that time, but I'm sure I won't feel that bad anymore however I weep...And of course I can't do it when I'm with someone...actually, maybe my sister is coming with me if I go there. Damn, I'll miss the chance to release all of my feelings in front of the beautiful light up, lol.

If someone asks me how my life is, I don't think I can say I'm 100% enjoying yet. Something is missing, and I still need to charge myself. The sorts of batteries I can use are so limited, and the energy keeps running away no matter I refill it or not. Maybe I need to wait a little bit more. Until I'm filled enough to start walking by myself again or something pulls me and helps me start moving from where I am. But you know, when I feel like doing something so strongly, it becomes a huge mass of energy and just pushes me up from inside. The only thing that has pushed me sometime in past months is when I realized I could actually go somewhere. My heart beat so fast and it kept me up till late at night. I'm not exaggerating, I couldn't sleep because of the excitement!!! LOL. I think I'm deep in love with it...especially doing it alone.

While traveling, sometimes I laugh when I see funny things. Sometimes I weep when I'm impressed or when I feel lonely (lol). I find myself more obedient when I travel alone. Maybe it's because I'm free from the role that I take a part in the small societies I belong to. I need to be just a girl sometimes and the girl wants to go to see the pretty lights which will give her both happiness and loneliness :)

Anyway, I think no one can stop me (unless something happens at work). Now I'm like a wild boar running straightly to the target♥ You'll see ;)

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