My Declaration

I've been so busy recently, I have a lot of things to do, so I didn't even get the chance to come here and post anything :( I feel frustrated because I don't feel I'm what I am now. I decided one of my biggest choice in my 25 years life (you might think its exaggerated expression tho, lol) which I call my first biggest ohitorisama debut in my life. I had hard time to decide, but once I decided, I felt much easier and things around me seemed working well, but after a while, I didn't feel good anymore.

The fact is, I can't say something that I want to say. As I'm Japanese, I read the atmosphere and don't disturb it unless I feel I need it. But now I have hard time to judge what I have to tell being between my wishes and my thoughts. And what makes the situation worse is..I'm not straight sometimes; I sometimes hesitate something and react as if I didn't want it even I feel happy when I get it. How can someone know my true desire if I'm like this?

One clear thing is, I need time. But there is little time and there is a term from the time to time that I get next. It makes me lose the sense where I reached last time and how to react next time. I wish I had a large time to make sure my direction. I know that a person, that I'm thinking about now, is not perfect. Maybe he is trying to make me comfortable about something, but as for me, it's not enough because I need something more than words. I need a good environment to tell my requirement sometimes...I mean, how can I tell somebody that I want to go somewhere with right after the person says he/she has no money to spend for a while. Communication shouldn't be self-satisfaction. If you want someone to let you know his/her true thought, it's necessary to make a situation that the person feel easy to tell such things. Even I say this, I don't think myself is good enough about such a thing. I have to try as well. And since I hate myself being like this now, I really should tell anything that I want to tell to "somebody".

So, this post is my declaration.
..Maybe I should be persistent in some degree :S