ヒトマエデナケルコト。

One of my friends said I could cry there if I had a hard time. But I think it's hard to cry in front of someone. Even tears come out (but I try my hardest not to weep), thinking about crying aloud...no way! I'm not gonna do such a thing. I'd rather choose wiping my tears when no one is looking, nor I cry alone. As a girl, I think it's unfair using tears as a weapon, especially when I'm with guys. Girls' weeping intentionally and appeal to someones sympathy is one of the things that I hate a lot. Therefore I don't wanna shed tears in front of anyone. It feels like I'm the loser if I cry in front of someone. I don't want to show my weakness in that way.

But on the other hand, I envy someone who can cry in front of someone...as long as there is not a dirty mind, lol. If I do, it means I don't have to worry the person might think I'm crying intentionally or something. I don't have to hide anything and can show myself nakedly however ugly it looks. It comes from trust and being free from fear. I need a special place. As long as I have to care the third eyes, it's not the place. Mmmm, I'm confused now, and don't feel I'm expressing myself clearly (~_~;) Actually, I'm so sleepy working at night being alone in the hospital lab right now, when a lot of people are having off days for new year. Maybe I can cry here and curse my poor destiny working tonight :S Hahaha, this post might have been just a silly talk.