July 9, 2013

I'm Just A Girl

I'm in the ironic mood these days because something depressing happened and I'm going to throw it out here just to release my feelings.

It's just what seems to be for me, but...I'm not that pretty but I know some people like my looks. I have received a compliment about it sometimes, and if I had to say if it's good or bad, I would say, of course it's a positive thing. However, such compliments make me sad as well.

Sometimes, someone tells me I look pretty. And I say thank you.
And what?

There are some experiences I've been through about relationships and whatever, and basically the guy liked my looks but I don't know if they ever tried to know about me as a person or a girl. I don't know what they have on their mind...of course everyone is not the same but how can they do something like

Buying stupid adult toys as a souvenir and tells me its for "Us" (It totally turned me off).
Keep telling that he doesn't care and want to make out when I was saying I had period and didn't want to do such a thing.

Try to kiss or make out without confirming if I'm available for such things without having a relationship.
And after such kiss, they sound like they are not interested in knowing about me.

The former two are something about my ex and the latter are about my "Friend".

Personally, I don't want to kiss or do anything more unless I'm in a relationship. And when such a thing happen, I get sad or disappointed especially when I was under the impression he is nice and there is something I admire about him.

I say, something happened recently and I just realized that I get more sad and disappointed as the days go by.
For me, a kiss or whatever is something more than just a friend. But it seems like guys are different in general.
One of my male friend says I have to realize that they just want to kiss her if she is pretty.

And I think it is truth because it describes why my latest relationship didn't work.
He told me I look pretty, etc. But never tried to know about me and I personally feel it's not because of the distance.
If that was the case, he could treat me in much better way.

If they like just my looks, I don't want them to come by me.
There are a lot of girls who are far prettier than me.
I don't want a guy who cares about my looks more than who I am.
I'd rather make friends who are interested in me and can hangout and spend time together.

It's a sad story but I realized I got to know a lot of people in past 3, 4 years. but there are just a few people who were interested in my personality and actually got to know about me in some extent.

I don't deny it's nice to have many acquaintances. However, it's not what I want for now.


Jeff said...

I'd say that's probably true of most people until they become shakaijin, give or take a few years since some people are just naturally more mature than others. It's a general statement, but younger people are probably more interested in discovering sexuality and experimenting than they are in actual relationships. The same could probably be said about extroverts too (just my opinion).

Most of my friends who ended up getting married or are in a stable relationship were actually friends for the longest time. I don't think any of them had the intention of forming or sustaining a relationship to begin with, just hang out with the same circle of
friends and have fun. Then one day it just hits you, and you wonder why neither of you saw it earlier. Yes, I know it sounds like a Cinderella story, haha. But that's how all my friends who are happy and married to each other hit it off.

It's a lot more pressure knowing you're in a relationship and having to make a conscious effort to keep it up. Best to just let it happen naturally I think, also why I dislike dating. But I also understand a lot of women are under pressure to get married before 30, make babies, be a housewife and all. (Blame Confucius for that)

Haha, that being said don't act any differently among your male friends now. :)

Ed said...

was it some foreign dude?
I don't know what it is about foreigners there but a lot of them treat girls in Japan like they are toys. Something in the water must drive them insane. Well i've told you about this many times during our conversations haha.
I got the same frustration while living out there from people who only wanted to be my friend just for language exchange and not wanting to know me as a person. But we gotta show them we're better than they are and cut them off right?