Amazing Woman

When something doesn't go well, it doesn't go well anyways however you struggle. The timing takes a great part for the success as well, but even you wait until the right time comes, and try again when you find it, you can't get the result you want every time.
I've been saying that,

Liking someone is a miracle.
If the person likes you back, and having a relationship, it's a super miracle.

I think I collapsed the super miracle. I thought I should have learned something from my past experiences, and became a better person. However, I realized I haven't gotten better as I wanted and made the same mistakes again. I don't say it was just about my side, but if both people could be flexible and tried a little bit more to get close to the other person's side, there would have been a different way...or probably the same after all?

One thing is, I concentrated on standing with just my own feet too much. This relationship was different from my any other past from the beginning because of it. Trying not to show my weakness and wanted to look independent, maybe I missed something important. Probably, I should have depended on him sometime but I didn't...maybe I was scared as well, and it was also because I know I suck at it.

Probably, I was the one who hurt the person. Even I swore I was telling the very truth, and very honest feelings I had, he didn't believe me. Personally, I don't like telling lies so I actually don't. I'm also very serious about things, which can be my good point, but also can be a bad point. Obviously, it worked as a latter this time...or maybe every time at the similar situation in the past. I didn't want to hurt anyone but maybe my action made him suspicious. Even the person was unique for me in some points, I should have faced them since I'm with the only person but others. I think I measured those things only with my measure, and it was too late when I noticed that he had another one that was way different from mine.

Maybe there was no other results in the end sooner or later. If I take it positively, I say, it was good that I got into such a super miracle situation I thought I would never go through again, touched someones sweetness, and got a chance to face myself again. As I mentioned just now, I admit I'm too serious at the time that he or most people don't think I have to be, and it actually makes things even worse sometimes. However, the words my friend said saved me a bit.

"You were serious because you treated it as a precious thing."

I wonder if she noticed that I was about to weep at that time :) Yes, I was serious all the time because I took it as a special thing.

There is still a long long way to become a matured amazing woman I want to be.