My April

It was a happy story, until I noticed that two of them were labelled as "work".

It's a fresh month...but actually not fresh for me since our lab didn't get any new faces. When the schedule for April came out at the end of March, I thought it looked like I would have a lot of off days. I felt like that because I have two full shifts on Saturday and Sunday respectively, so the days off on the weekdays are just compensatory days off. Plus, I don't have anything scheduled on weekends like before, so the word "work" is sadly standing out on my weekend spaces.

I don't dislike weekend shifts. About Saturdays, our lab usually has half a day off, so it isn't that different compared to weekday shifts. And about Sundays, I stay alone there so I feel easy as long as it's not busy. But this time it's a little bit sad. I would have to miss a drinking meeting with my Uni friends because of it, and I don't have ANY plans on my weekdays off :( I don't say I'm a person who is always free and available, but having a whole day without doing anything is sad. Especially on weekdays, it's absolutely hard to get any friends that are available. For instance, one of my closest friends is a teacher, so she can't get weekdays off. She even told me she would have to schedule her honeymoon during summer vacation or something if she gets married.

Perhaps I feel something is missing because I'm not living a full life now :( "If, if, if.." there are a lot of "if's" when imagining about my full life, but they're not active now. Anyway, it'll be one of the ways I start filling up my red days in my schedule book. Want to make my off days better, although I don't have plans now :P

Heart Broken (1)

Losing the love of your life is painful. Especially the gf or bf, that you've been going out with for a long time leave you. I'm always the girl that can't get anyone that I want. My first relationship was a mutual one; we both liked each other. But that's it. I'd gone out with him for 2.5 years and finally broke up with him. The reason was I couldn't stand him anymore. He used to blame me a lot. He never said sorry, but always found excuses and critisized me. I liked him so much maybe for an year or so, but after that, I was always crying.

One of the memories I can't forget is a new years day. We had a promise to go to a temple together near his house. It's common to go to such places on new years, so we decided to go there. However, when we met at my nearest station and were about to move there, he started saying he wouldn't go. The reason was, he didn't want to meet his friends with me. There supposed to be a lot of his junior highschool friends there, and he started blaming me like, why do you wanna go there, do you want me to show you off, something like that. I didn't understand why he started saying such a thing. I didn't even think of such a thing. So I started crying, and in the end, we didn't go anywhere.

Around that time, I noticed that I started liking another guy that asked me to go out before. My boyfriend's cruel behavior helped my feelings too. When I finally couldn't deny my feelings for the guy, I said good bye to my boyfriend. I knew that the guy didn't like me anymore, but felt that I couldn't go on like this, I had to tell him my feelings. Since I didn't wanna keep the insurance, I broke up with my bf firstly and told my feelings to the guy on the same day.

I have my theory about love. As my mind, if I want to tell someone that I like him, I want to tell it in person. In the evening, I called him and went to a park. It was a cold day as the end of May. We sat on a bench and I told him that I liked him. He told me that he had some theory about love, and asked me if I wanted to hear the answer or not. I was so scared to hear that, but after a while, I told him I wanted to hear and my heart broke at that time. When we were walking back to the station, I said, "please keep being my friend". It was funny since the words were as same as what he said when I rejected his love.

Cherry-blossom Viewing

I had a promise to have a dinner with my Uni friend yesterday. Since it's during Sakura season, we went to Inogashira park to see Sakura flowers. Since it was Saturday and the weather was not bad, there were a lot of people. They spread blue seats and were eating and drinking on them. I saw a lot of foreigners too! I felt it was nice that they were enjoying together :)

After walking around a pond in the park, my friend and me went to an izakaya restaurant to have dinner. We talked a lot about our recent things...job, friend, money, love, etc. She told me that she met her old friend again on mixi, and gonna meet him in person soon. We enjoyed the dinner.

When it passed 10 o'clock, we went to the park again to see cherry-blossom's night view. The park wasn't crowded anymore. And the pond, where were a lot of swan boats in daytime, was silent. The water looked like a mirror and was reflecting lights and flowers. It was so pretty. We saw some couples sitting on the bench beside the pond and enjoying their time. Felt a little bit envy...lol. Anyway, the Sakura flowers were really nice, but there was a sad thing too. At night, we saw a lot of garbage people left around there. The park is not yours, but everyone's. Bringing your garbage at home is of course. You should clean things that you messed up when you leave. I'm sure you will feel uncomfortable if you come to enjoy with friends, but see garage around there. If the situation is too bad, they might not permit you to view cherry-blossom like now anymore in the future because of a few people who don't have morality. Let's keep the park clean and keep enjoying viewing flowers every year :D