Hydrangea

As you know Cherry blossoms represent Japanese spring, Hydrangea is also a very popular flower in the rainy season of Japan. The rainy season is in June and beginning of July here, and it is so popular to see Hydrangeas blooming beautifully in gardens. The language of flowers of it is "fickleness" since the colour of the flower changes while it is blooming. The parts that look like petals are actually sepals, and real petals are in the centre and don't stand. The origin species of Hydrangea is from Japan but it looks different from what is popular these days. Hydrangeas' colours depend on the pH of the ground they are. If the pH is acid, the blue colour is strong, but if it is alkalinity, the colour becomes much more purple.

I don't like the rainy season here because it is so dump and not comfortable to go out, however, the season is so important for us because it is necessary to grow rice. And however I feel so uncomfortable about this season, not everything is bad since I can see pretty Hydrangea flowers. If you come to Japan in this season, you should definitely see Hydrangeas. It is not as popular as cherry blossoms for foreigner, but I believe that it is also one of the most beautiful flowers that you can see generally in Japan.

花火 -Fireworks-

Hanabi / plane

You tell lies really well
With the speed even tears don't come out
Pass the ticket gate, and it's there soon
I saw the day's sight

However my last hope is gone
I have to walk the present time
"Don't worry, sleep well tonight"
I wanna hear words like that

Like the loneliness after fireworks
You catch and let off my heart
If I were you, I will absolutely protect you
I don't let off, can't let off

I was holding not to get astray
The sky we saw together standing on tiptoe
You looked down without saying anything
Beside me frolicking innocently

Like the loneliness after fireworks
You come to my mind softly
Can I forgive you longing for another one some day?

If I say I'm okay, it is a lie
Wanna meet you, can't meet you
My heart gets ache
What made me remind of you that was not here anymore was
The small station the train specially stopped

Like the loneliness after fireworks
You catch and let off my heart
If I were you, I will absolutely protect you
I don't let off, can't let off

In the noises after fireworks
You come to my mind softly
"See you again" in the end of the summer
The season started changing

You tell lies really well
With the speed even tears don't come out

Summer is the season that a lot of fireworks are displayed anywhere in Japan. I like going to fireworks displays, however I haven't been there for a few years. It is popular for girls to wear yukata...kind a kimono when they go to fireworks display or festival in the summer especially when they go there with their boyfriends. I guess guys like seeing girls in yukatas since they look different and much prettier than normal days :) I haven't gone on a date wearing my yukata with my bf since I was too shy to act like a 'normal girl', however I think that I should before getting old, lol.

Anyway, I felt the styles looking at fireworks are different between Japanese and Americans when I went to the Friendship festival at Yokota Air Base last summer. In Japan, we see them without saying anything since fireworks are things that make us feel a little bit lonely and sentimental since they are the symbol of the end of the summer. We sometimes say something like "Oh...so pretty" or something, and clap hands...but that's it. We don't say something loudly, and also don't whistle. However, when I saw some fireworks at the air base, American people were shouting and whistling a lot. I thought it interesting. However, I prefer Japanese style. Looking at fireworks wearing yukata and holding around fan. Hopefully, I have a nice boyfriend beside me at the time :P

Worthless Thought

"Doing something for other people is like, you get satisfied because of it, so actually it is not for other people but for yourself".

Someone told me it before. I thought it was true. I didn't think in the way like that, so it was a really new way of looking at things, but I agreed without any objection. I even thought it was interesting. However the action is what we sacrifice ourselves, we get satisfied instead, so we do such a thing. However little the satisfaction is, we act like that because we definitely get the small feeling of accomplishment or satisfaction. If we really don't get anything, we won't do anything for other people. But what I wonder is, movement of feelings like getting sad or getting glad like that is caused by some chemical substances. For example, say I am jilted by my bf, so I get very sad, get nihilistic feelings, and even if I want to die, those things are just controlled by electronic impulse among neurons or hormone or stuff like that. If I think like that, things get silly but we desire such joy or satisfaction caused by such chemical substances and live every day. People's working is just that of chemical substances', lol.

I'm living today with using electricity and hormones to think such a worthless thing.

　「人にために何かするのってそうしたことによって自分の心が満たされるんだから、結局は人のためじゃなくて自分のためだよね。」

　昔誰かが私にそう言った。確かにって思った。今までそんな風な考え方をしたことなんてなくて、まったく新しい物の見方の切り口だったけど、すんなり納得がいった。面白いとさえ思った。自身を犠牲にしたような行動でも、それと引き換えに満足感を得るから私たちはそういうことをするんだ。たとえそれがどんなに些細なものだったとしても、その小さな達成感、満足感を確かに私たちは得ている。自分が得るものが本当に全くないのであれば、人のために何かをしたりなんてしないだろう。でも不思議なのは、悲しかったりだとか嬉しかったりだとか、そういう気持ちの動きは何らかの化学物質によるものだということ。例えば私が彼氏に振られたとして、すごく悲しくて虚無感に襲われてたとえ死にたかったとしても、その感情を支配しているのは神経間の電気刺激だったりホルモンだったりするんだよね…。そう考えると何かいろいろ馬鹿らしくなってくるけど、その化学物質によって起こされる喜びや満足感を求めて人は日々生きている。人々の営みってまさに化学物質の営みなんだね（笑）

　そんなくだらないことを考えるのに電気やホルモンを使いながら今日も私は生きています。